How To Be A Jerk

Being a jerk is expensive—there’s a price to pay for the title. The cost is a lifetime of frequent visits to unemployment because it’s irritating to hold a job when you’re a jerk. Nurturing a love relationship when a jerk is involved probably isn’t going to transpire so plan on the cost of many breakups. Friends? Name one jerk who has true-blue buddies? None. Another cost. But, jerks have the knack of surviving anything, because, well, they’re jerks.

If your objective in life is to be a jerk, you will want to incorporate the following traits of jerks into your daily life.

1. Jerks display superiority. Your ego is your realm. You are a King. Think Game of Thrones, think King Joffrey. Attain your dominance over others: degrade them in public, talk about their mistakes, criticize their efforts. Don’t offer to help other people. You’re the “i” that’s not in the word: team.

2. Jerks use sarcasm. Forget kindness and respect. Use rudeness. Ignore people. Use the silent treatment. Show no courtesy, no gratitude. Be mean and belittling, and then say with a laugh, just kidding.

3. Jerks show prejudice. You feel justified to have bias opinions about current topics: guns, violence, politics, race, police, riots, military, coups, terror—you know what’s going on, and you know how to fix each situation. You express intolerance on the internet, in the elevator, in a bar, walking down the street, to the cab driver—everywhere. You’re the one who’s right so your opinions and solutions should be trending.

4. Jerks demand special privileges. You feel entitled to cut in line, smoke in the plane restroom, and cut people off on the road. Rules and laws are for other people. You always speed. You disrespect the requests or rights of other people. You insist on the best seat, the best table, the best service; otherwise you make a scene like a dragon.

5. Jerks use intimidation. Bully. Threaten. Scare people. Don’t they know you’re better than they are? Take credit for the work, ideas, and actions of other people to gain recognition. Lie. Blame.

In addition to global warming, animal extinctions, GMO’s, hunger, disease, and war that threatens our planet, we need to consider another risk, another danger: Jerks.

We need the world without jerks, please.

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Think about it.  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson,  ♦  Photos courtesy of unless otherwise indicated