Can Other People See Your Self-Respect?

Those times when we experience failure or a mistake, it’s a comfort to have the refuge and encouragement of family and friends who can remind us of our positive traits and abilities. This is especially true if we tend to over-criticize our blunders and beat up ourselves.

But if the only times we can feel good about ourselves is after we’ve  gained the approval and validation of others, then we have a difficult road ahead. If we’re tempted to daily pretend to be someone we’re not to gain the favor of others, then we have lost touch with our own significance as individuals.

When it’s difficult to recognize our own significance we may think that the praise of others is necessary to feel positive about ourselves. Without that positive reinforcement every day we might end up feeling inadequate and rejected.

Everyone wants to be well thought of and liked, but we do not have the skill to determine and control what others think about us. We do have the skill to determine and control how we are going to think about ourselves.

Look, the most important opinion of yourself is not the one decided by polling others. The most important opinion of yourself is the one you and you alone determine.

You are an important person. You are special, unique. You have value. You have contributions to make to better your life and your goals! You have your own thoughts, feelings, opinions, ideas, quirks, preferences, likes, dislikes, character, tastes, humor, virtues, talents, morals, and dreams. What you can offer the world no one else can and God made that so.

The easiest person to be is you.

It’s near impossible to have self-respect if you believe you need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You can respect yourself only when you have a self to respect. Then, something wonderful happens. Self-respect brews confidence. 

This self-respect and confidence will be visible to those around you and evident in your conversations and attitude.

You show people who you are through your attitude. Your outlook and manners are always on display. Accepting and believing that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect is a necessary step towards seeing yourself in the correct light. It starts with you—you need to treat yourself with dignity and respect.

Pay attention to how you treat yourself.

You are the primary force impacting your life today. Other people or situations do not determine your life. Your attitude does. Your belief in yourself does. Your regard for yourself does. Realizing that enables you to become aware of thought patterns that set you up to be disappointed and feel defeated.

What is it about your self-respect that others will see?

Think about it!
drsandynelson@gmail.com

©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, Life101Blog.com  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

What Do You Deserve In Life?

What do you deserve in life? – by Dr. Sandy Nelson
Did you find yourself hesitating to answer the question?

 

I did.

What do I deserve? Nothing.

But that’s old school thinking. That’s my unhealthy and incorrect thinking from decades ago.

You see, I was raised as a Missouri Synod Lutheran with a doctrine that preached, in my opinion, self-abnegation in church and you-don’t-deserve-crap in its parochial school.

My takeaway experience with religion by junior high graduation was: Jesus died for my pathetic existence and worthless life. I should live in continual disrepute, guilt and shame that He was killed in my stead.

I came to learn that many religions have a knack of guilt-tripping and adversely branding people who believe in something different than what the churches are preaching and demand within their denomination.

I believe in the full and true Grace of God.

In my opinion, there is no religious guilt, judgment, self-denial or shame under the Grace of God. We are free and we are to love one another as Jesus said.

It’s pretty simple when you take out all the bylaws and rules and rituals associated with many sects.

We have no right to judge or condemn others or ourselves.

Each of us has been given talents, skills, gifts, strengths, and abilities for use to better our lives and to help the lives of other people.

So, what do I really deserve? I deserve happiness, love, and success. And you deserve joy, affection, and achievement from your endeavors, too.

We deserve shelter and sunlight and shade and warmth. We deserve the free will to determine our destinies. We deserve the moon! And we have it. We deserve a universe! It’s all ours.

But, be alert to any invalidating thoughts you hold about yourself. They can cause you to sabotage relationships, success, and happiness.

If you do not treat yourself with love and respect, you can not experience the love and respect that other people want to give you.

So, seriously jump on any negative thoughts in your head about yourself. Refuse to criticize your mistakes or degrade your limitations or weaknesses—we all have them.

Self-love is necessary to succeed, to be happy, and to love other people.

Listen to the words you choose to use every day. Are they complaining and critical words? Are they judgmental phrases? Or do you hear encouraging expressions? Phrases of kindness? Words of gratitude out of your mouth?

The words you speak reflect your character. Your words reflect what you believe about yourself.

Stay aware of the words you choose to verbalize. Do they match the character you want to role model to your children, family, co-workers or other people? Are they in agreement with the integrity in which you want to be associated?

Where you are today can be attributed to the words you tell yourself.

What do you deserve? Are you ready to answer the question?

Think about it.

drsandy@life101blog.com  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, Life101Blog.com  ♦  Any photos courtesy of Pixabay unless otherwise noted

Who Mindfully Lives Each Day?

The author of seven adventurous Star Trek novels, Margaret Bonnano penned: It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.

But can we really live that way?

Every day moves at a blast-off pace brimming with work, appointments, children, errands, obligations, and more. We’re not slowing down. We’re accelerating.

When the term multi-tasking entered our culture, the more efficiently we could perform three or more tasks in sync, the more valuable we became to employers, family and friends. Just like circus performers spinning several plates up on poles, we’ve come to expect ourselves to manage concurrent tasks effectively.

That’s stress!

How do we live one day at a time with all our plates spinning in a world traveling 1000 mph per second?

I would like to live mindfully one day at a time—to only be focused on the day that I’m living.

My mind, however, tends to fret about what might happen tomorrow and I get stuck over-thinking about stuff that occurred yesterday, last week, and last year.

Former New York Senator, Daniel Patrick Moynihan once said: Life is one day at a time. And thank God! I couldn’t take much more.

That sounds like someone who was accustomed to spinning plates every day. Someone who tried to keep yesterday and tomorrow in check while managing today. That sure describes me, how about you?

There’s enough to sort through, solve, organize, and workout in one day. Adding worry about tomorrow and second-guessing yesterday isn’t a good use of time and energy.

So I try to practice Mindfulness.

Now wait, before any eye rolling or scrutiny that you have no time for meditation, consider this—mindfulness in its simple form is merely the art of self-awareness. It’s a state of being aware of your thoughts and feelings in your surroundings.

I try to stop several times throughout every day and remind myself to take in the moment. I stay mindfully aware of my thoughts and self-talk and make it a point to kick negativity to the curb.

I’ve customized the practice of mindfulness to what works for me. I do not sit on a yoga mat in the Burmese or Full Lotus position.

But every evening, in quiet, I sit in a recliner with my feet on the floor. I shut my eyes and mindfully focus on my breathing. I envision a calm and healing energy going to my mind and body with every inhale of breath. When I exhale, I imagine all frustration and worrisome thoughts leaving my mind and body. After a minute or two, I focus my attention to gratitude for the blessings in my life. In about ten minutes, I’m done. I feel more physically relaxed and my mind is calm.

Mindfulness has been found to have considerable health benefits. It’s like a wonder drug that isn’t a pharmaceutical.

Think about it.

Dr. Sandy Nelson

Dr. Sandy Nelson

 

©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, Life101Blog.com  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com